Who and What are Those Voices?

by the Messenger of the I AM THAT I AM

My love for God has always been great, as has my desire to serve. In fact, my desire to serve was so great, that if my soul felt like she wasn't serving in the capacity she was capable of, she would create circumstances to bring about emotional, mental or physical pain. She did this in order to serve as the "saints" did, in the belief that we can transmute world karma through pain. The following is one example from many years ago.

I had gone to the dentist for a tooth repair and the repair did not work so he suggested I cap the tooth and the one next to it. After the first step of filing down the tooth I started feeling an inordinate amount of pain. It didn't seem right, so I called the dentist and he said that it sometimes happens. Three days later the pain had not abated. After several visits and still pain, he suggested I might need a root canal as the nerve could be damaged, but wait and see what happens.

Weeks later, I find myself in excruciating pain that has spread down my neck, inside my ear and my teeth, and I could not imagine how much longer I could endure this chronic pain. I was taking pain killers 24 hours a day and if it wore off before morning and the pain returned while asleep, it would wake me up with far worse excruciating pain. So I finally scheduled a root canal on one tooth which I thought might be causing this, but it was difficult to isolate the pain as it went far beyond one area. But after that dental procedure, I found I was still in as much pain.

I was getting despondent. I thought I had developed TMJ on top of a potential tooth problem. Which is an ambiguous jaw joint disease that has no guaranteed cure. I was losing hope of ever finding the cure or answer to why I was having to endure this pain.

It was one of those nights of waking to this intense pain that I got out of bed and fell to my knees, praying to God earnestly to let me know what I had done to deserve this and to please stop the pain.

Division in my Being
Well, my prayer was heard and answered immediately, as the voice of the Holy Spirit through the Maha Chohan said, "You want this pain." My soul wanted this pain and thus my free will would not allow God to take it from me.

So the next day I set to work on healing the cause of this division in my soul or in me. I had already scheduled a second root canal, (it was now 30 days of this pain) and I walked into the dental office expecting to walk out with another root canal. Instead I find the dentist comes out into the waiting room and sits down with me and asks me, "Are you sure you want this done?" He sent me home asking me to give it more time. I knew that was a sign. When would any health professional, especially a dentist send you home instead of doing some very expensive procedures they make their living from? Sure enough, within two days the pain was almost entirely gone and it was positive progress that followed.

I was able to get to the bottom of this soul issue because of my training and work with spiritual issues on myself and in my healing practice. I had the tools both from my healing training, as well as the Ascended Masters' teachings, and I used them to discover my divisions.

Developing my Own Inner Communication
It started back in 1995 when I took training in kinesiology, a more recent healing modality where you use muscle feedback to determine the cause of physical, emotional or mental disease. I had been at the Ranch of the Summit Lighthouse when the messenger came out one evening after service and publicly endorsed this healing method. So I stayed to hear a lecture on the method by a trained kinesiologist who had been on staff at the Ranch. I knew immediately I had to take this training and for the next year traveled several times outside of Montana to receive the training. I instinctively knew I must get this training and as swiftly as possible. My soul jumped for the joy at finding this modality, as I had taken some courses already in kinesiology and knew this had great potential.

After many levels of training, I eventually tested my skills and started giving free treatments. As I was working with a client whose psychic faculties were opened, she prompted me to listen within as she said a Master wanted to speak to me. I had heard the voice of a Master from within before, but only on rare occasions. I knew one could hear, or we have the potential to develop our inner communication skills like hearing, but I had never sought to develop that ability.

But during that healing session, I stopped and listened and what I received was from Sanat Kumara as he identified himself. I wrote down what I heard and then he said "Now go Be". I knew from the Ascended Masters' teaching that the Gobi desert used to be the Gobi Sea where Sanat Kumara had come to the earth to establish the retreat of Shamballa and anchor the threefold flame. "Go Be" was really the meaning name of this desert name "Gobi". Little did I know those first words would set me on a path to "go Be" who I AM and to eventually teach the way to the inner path of Being I AM and more.

But I was concerned to not get caught in the psychic realm and psychic imposters of the real Sanat Kumara and the Masters. How do you develop your skills of inner communication and be in obedience to the Masters' teachings? I was determined not to involve myself in the psychic willingly or unwillingly. But I also knew I was a trained kinesiologist and had the tools to help myself. I could do this and be in God's will.

It was a few months later that time that I sent a prayer forth heavenward as I wanted better communication and I wanted to work with the angels that God sends to assist us. So one night I had prayed that if God or his angels or any emissary of Light wanted to reach me, that they signal me on the ear so that I would pay attention and listen. I knew that I was a very busy person and I would rarely be able to hear and might miss inner promptings. For several months prior I had been decreeing with a violet flame decree tape recorded at a prior conference. The messenger was reminding us to always have a listening ear for the angels, as they come swiftly, say what they want to say and then they are gone. And those words reminded me every time I decreed with the tape that I might be missing just that - guidance from within.

Sure enough after my prayer, my ear started picking up signals almost immediately and I if I stopped and listened after praying for protection, I would hear the inner voice. I immediately wrote to the messenger and explained I was doing this healing work and developing these inner communication skills and could she verify if these were "real" voices from Above? I wanted her stamp of approval that I was on the right path, that I was not involved with the psychic and thinking she could discern for me what was real and right.

Alas, she wouldn't, she said she did not interfere with your personal path. However, she did recommend several spiritual practices, of which we are all aware like doing spiritual calls as in decrees, getting proper sleep, diet, etc. I was already doing all those things and I simply shored up the disciplines even further.

Receiving Gifts of the Holy Spirit
I eventually developed my kinesiology practice into a full time job and began as a healer in the community. Shortly after I began my healing practice, one morning I awoke with the remembrance of a spiritual experience that I believed was from the Ascended Master retreats. I remembered standing on a stage with several other Health Kinesiologists (the method of kinesiology I was training in) in a room full of people. An Archangel was anointing us to be some type of healer or something like that, and then he said, "Now you will be my negative polarity on the earth." When I awoke, I remembered the experience and wondered as to its meaning.

I soon discovered an extraordinary change in my being. My feet started tingling constantly, like that vibration you feel when you receive light from the Holy Spirit. In the course of a few days, the tingling did not stop but continued up my legs. It did not stop there, but in the course of a few more days had traveled up my entire body. It took about a week for this light to travel up my entire body. I did not know what was happening. But I could see how the light was affecting my physical body and how my body needed to have time to adjust to this. When the light reached my thighs, it felt like I had been running a marathon, like the effects of using muscles that have been pushed to their limits.

Eventually it reached my crown and it was after that that I began to notice that before every healing session, that same light tingling feeling would vibrate around my whole body from head to toe. Then I noticed that after the two hour sessions, I no longer felt this tingling light. I finally realized what had happened starting with this retreat experience and the body symptoms, after a few times clients called to cancel or reschedule, I realized I did not feel the tingling I would start to feel about 1/2 hour before the scheduled healing session. Then I finally put together the realization that I truly was the negative polarity of the Archangel of Healing. I was working with the Light and my body was used as a vehicle to pass on this Light for my client's healing. This gave me the courage and conviction to carry on with what I was doing, that I was truly working with the Light.

My relationship with the Masters and the Holy Spirit became this loving, trusting relationship that I was more than me, that I was an instrument of healing and that God was healing others through me. I knew I was not the doer and very limited in my skills to know why someone was experiencing their particular emotional, physical or mental pain. So sometimes during my healing sessions during moments of confusion on where the Spirit was leading me and the client, I would hear our beloved El Morya (or a spiritual being that was tied to this soul) say something to guide me on what was going on in their psychology or to say something which I would suggest to the client. Immediately we would progress into a higher understanding, as if the block was removed and the light had been turned on. I also had many clients who would be directed into this Alpha state of consciousness where the Masters and their Higher Self would transpose them to some prior life or to hear or see their Christ self or I AM Presence. I had the most profound experiences sitting in my chair listening to these people tell me of their experiences and traumas from past lives. These people ordinarily were not able to see or hear the Masters or their Higher Self or see their past lives. Something extraordinary was happening.

Of course rumors spread. I was taking people into past lives, I was giving messages from El Morya. I was doing all the "no-no's" of a "good" chela of Guru Ma and the Ascended Masters. But was I doing anything but being an instrument of the Holy Spirit as I was ordained by that Archangel to do?

I prayed earnestly each day and increased my decrees to handle the opposition to my work. I knew that if El Morya wanted me to be disciplined by Guru Ma, it would happen, but until then I had to continue the work he was directing me to do. He sent me the clients he wanted me to see without my doing any advertising for my work. It was simply via word of mouth from those clients who came to me. And he even showed me one time through my inner eye, each client and their karmic tie to me, which helped me to realize how much God was in control, and I of my own self could do nothing to bring about this orchestration of people across my life.

Outer Resistance to My Being
When I first started my work, I experienced opposition from Kim as well. He was very concerned that I might be working with psychic forces, which I felt was justified, as we both knew it was not something we wanted to get involved with. As the days past and I was getting despondent on how I could ever get Kim to trust in my inner communication, I felt a Presence. And simultaneously I heard a voice which said, "I AM here! Thus sayeth the Lord." And I felt a touching of my cheek as if in a gesture of love. And I knew that everything would be okay.

I had been in tears that morning, wondering how I could go on Being who I was and doing what I knew was right when my beloved husband was opposing that which was I knew was real. I loved him and I did not want to interfere with his will to Be, at the same time I knew I had to Be. It gave me the strength to go on. Kim finally started to accept the possibility that they were the real Masters, and he had many sessions with me to confirm his inner knowing. But he was the perfect example of the fear consciousness that permeated the community in the Ascended Master's teachings.

One day, El Morya asked me to move myself and family to Utah. I was surprised as I never imagined anyplace least we would want to move to, Kim was more so surprised. He didn't believe it, and I was caught between obedience to God via El Morya or allowing a non-believer to spread doubts on my inner communication. Yet I had no doubts that this was real, but I knew it would be hard to convince someone in fear of it that it was real.

I was faithful to keep journals of all my inner communications and one day I was guided from within to share these notes with Kim. This was the turning point for him. He could feel the truth of these words as the inner guidance I received was always telling me what I needed to work on in my psychology as well as insights for Kim himself. He recognized the truth and came to that place of peace and agreed to move to Utah.

Dark Night of the Spirit
Within a few months we had arranged the move. It was then the fear and doubt descended upon me as we moved from a very rural atmosphere and energy into the heavy energies near Salt Lake City. As I exclaimed to El Morya one day, shortly upon arriving in Utah, "I can't hear you well," he reminded me, "Raise your consciousness." Sure enough, that was the only way to get above the din of the heavy energies and astral vibrations.

Almost a year went by and I felt I was going downhill in that complete trust I had with my inner communications. I lived in this constant state of doubt of the ability of the false hierarchy to interfere with my inner communication. I was rarely doing healing sessions because the local people weren't open to new age techniques. I was beginning to doubt my ability to hear the real master. I still made the calls for protection and challenging the spirits, as El Morya had taught us to do, but the uncomfortability wouldn't go away.

I wrote Guru Ma several times telling her what was going on and asking for help, but I received no answer. And one day it came to a head when I was doing my morning decrees and Lanello prompted me with a message he said to give to his twin flame, Guru Ma. I obediently wrote it down. He was requesting me to send Guru Ma a suggestion for her healing. Now I was traumatized. "You do not send your messenger messages? And what if this was a false hierarchy? But if it wasn't, wasn't I being disobedient?" Kim suggested I throw it away as he knew what response I was likely to receive.

But I sent it, with the pull to follow divine direction greater than my fear of the consequences. And what followed changed the course of my life. I received a handwritten note back from Guru Ma on her personal stationery. She said I was not hearing my I AM Presence or the Masters and never was! And that she was quite capable of getting her own messages and healing suggestions, and I had better cease and desist or my spiritual victory would be forfeited!

In the past when I had received correspondence from the messenger in response to questions, it was delivered on Church stationery and written via her secretary, paraphrasing what the messenger said. Only one other time had I received a handwritten note from the messenger, unsolicited when I was in Summit University, where she invited me to call her about joining staff. This should have keyed me into that this was a test, but the shock was too great. A part of me seemed to die on the spot. And today I know that which was unreal in me died.

I was in shock that everything I had experienced as real with my Christ self, with the Masters, with the Holy Spirit, with the Light, with my body symptoms, all of that had been unreal. The foundation of my faith, trust and love of my inner communication was ripped out from under me and within a few short days I twisted my ankle on some steps and broke my foot.

I had never broken a bone in my entire life and later as I looked back, I realized it was the outpicturing into the physical of my inner turmoil. Feeling no spiritual foundation, nothing to stand on in my faith and beliefs, I lost the physical ability to stand, to be able to walk forward without crutches.

Wanting to be obedient to the truth, to the Will of God I immediately made the decision to obey my outer guru upon reading her words. So I told the Masters when they prompted me to listen within, that they weren't really the Masters, but were imposters—or at least Guru Ma said they weren't—and I could not listen to them anymore. For days, for months, the signals on my ear and inner promptings continued but I ignored them. Once I made up my mind to be obedient to an outer discipline and direction, I would not be broken down. So I calmly told the signals to go away, that even if you are the real Masters, I can't listen to you.

But somehow I knew within myself that this could not be right. Within two weeks or less of receiving this note from the messenger, I knew something was basically wrong with this direction. Looking back over my years of healing, I had personally witnessed the experience of the Holy Spirit and Light flowing through my body during healing sessions. I had heard the words that when repeated brought healing. I had heard inner direction that when I followed it, saved me from bodily harm or worse. I had moved to Utah on those words I heard! But nevertheless, I would cease listening regardless. But in my heart I began to connect with that which was real in me. I was healing.

Being Retrieval
Two years went by and I was still not listening to the inner voice with the inner ear. And then one day I was doing a healing session on myself when I received through the session that I was being selfish. I knew what those words meant. I knew I needed to start again, I needed to connect to that inner still voice that I knew was real.

Shortly before I received the words from Guru Ma that sent me on this Dark Night of the Spirit, El Morya said to me, "You are co-dependent on the Guru!" and he left. I thought me, co-dependent on anyone? But, alas, many chelas of the Ascended Masters had become just that. Many would not move without an okay from their messenger. They would not marry, have children, write a book, go to college, etc. without writing or calling for approval from the messenger. Some thought Guru Ma should make every major decision for us.

I personally was not one of those souls. I had babies, I married, divorced and remarried. I moved from state to state and then to Glastonbury in Montana. Not once did I ask the messenger if those were the right steps. The only time I asked for help from her was in my discernment capabilities and she would not help me with that.

Coming into Being
I was coming out of the Dark Night, I was finding Being I AM. I tentatively started listening again to my inner voice and with my inner ear. And then I was directed to go take a healing course in hypnotherapy through that inner communication. This was a big test because the Masters had warned us of the dangers of hypnosis, and hypnotherapy seemed to be pretty close! But when the inner direction did not change, I simply put my skills to work in discerning clearly and began checking into what hypnotherapy really entailed. I found a California hypnotherapist giving courses on his therapy and I received the inner guidance that he was trained by Saint Germain himself.

What followed was one of the most remarkable experiences of my life. This form of hypnotherapy (which I later developed as Alpha Therapy) was a light meditative state almost exactly like I had experienced on the Ranch during an inner child workshop given by a church minister. Over the course of six months, and driving every two weeks to spend the weekend in California for this training, I came out an awakened, enlightened soul. Step by step I was connecting to my inner Being, my Real Self.

Training to be a Messenger of I AM THAT I AM
It was during this time that I discovered I was the twin flame of the Great Divine Director (and years before we had the teachings on being a twin to a God flame). And that I was an embodied angel and had come to the earth for a purpose. I also discovered my mission in prior lifetimes and recovered many lost soul pieces.

And then one day beloved Lanello came to me and apologized for being the instrument of this test that I had been through. At that time I had no idea of what the Dark Night of the Spirit was or that I had even passed through it. I only knew that Lanello's words gave me the confirmation that this surely had been a test, and by God's grace I had made it through to the other side into Being.

This is why I have written this entire story to relate to each and every son and daughter of God this important step to true freedom and enlightenment.

We all must go through the Dark Night of the Soul and the Dark Night of the Spirit. We also must pass tests and initiations that take us through the eye of the needle. To be the Christ in embodiment and to pass through that needle, one has to leave everything behind that they thought was real. One has to surrender everything. Every preconceived notion, idea or feeling. This is a path of personal surrender, sacrifice and service. There is no other way. And to pass through that eye of the needle you cannot take anything with you but the Real Self.

When I received that letter from my messenger, I believed her, as my guru, that her guidance was better than mine and she knew more than I. I trusted her discernment explicitly. She had to know more than I, after all, she was the guru! But I was wrong and I learned why I was wrong.

There is a point on the path where one is tested to know from the bottom of their heart that no one person, or anything outside of one's self, can be the ultimate authority to who and what you are and what you do with your life. In other words, your Christ Self is your authority, not any outer guru or any voice inside or outside your Real Self. And it is the path of personal Christhood that teaches us how to trust that voice and no other. And there will come a day when you are tested that you trust that Christ Self or Higher Self more than even your most beloved guru.

I started rebuilding my communication with the Brotherhood from scratch. I did not do one thing that was not based on reality and the truth that I had been taught through the Ascended Masters' teachings. And I built a solid foundation of personal discernment and received the gift of the Holy Spirit to assist me. If one does not open their hearts and minds to the Ascended Host and their personal guidance, even under the risk of occasional false hierarchy interference, how is one to access their mission and the sponsoring Master of one's lifestream? Could I stand here today and witness to you that I am delivering the Word of God to you without having gone through these tests and the Dark Night of the Soul and Spirit? Could you trust one who was in doubt, even occasionally, that the false hierarchy might be speaking through them?

I had my personal foundation and belief system torn out from under me in a few short words from my guru. And two years later I had rebuilt my foundation, a foundation of truth and belief based on Christhood. To build that foundation, I had to experience the Dark Night of the Spirit where I stood alone with no I AM Presence or Christ Self to lean on, no outside Master or Guru, no one but what Light I had garnered to my own Being. It was one of the most painful spiritual experiences of my life entirely different from physical pain.

You Can Be Right Now
I witness that one can make it through to the other side, and some have already made it to the other side into the Light of Being I AM.

For those who haven't, God is calling you to Be who you are right now. The fallen angels and that fallen consciousness have taken our ability to Be, to speak out, to love and share and serve. They have used the tool of fear and doubt. They have played on our fears and our love of God obedience. And we have all been duped by the Liar and lie at some point on the path.

It is now time to arise to our full position of authority and stand up and challenge this not-self and inner and outer voices of fear once and for all and Be the Christs we always have been and are. But we must have one thing – inner attunement. Without that inner oneness and faith in our inner attunement and discernment we cannot Be that which we are in God.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God" and all else shall be added unto you. Seek first the consciousness of God. That is within. All else will be added unto you when you find that Christ consciousness within you, not from any authority or outer figure - be it an ascended master or spiritual guru. First authority in your life is within–the Christ and mighty I AM.

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