Seeing the Truth From Being

close by Elizabeth Clare Prophet

by Lorraine Michaels

September 20, 2008

Many of you might have received some notices of late that one of Mark and Elizabeth Prophet’s daughters has written a book, "Prophet's Daughter: My Life with Elizabeth Clare Prophet Inside the Church Universal and Triumphant."

I remember the years following Elizabeth’s forced retirement from her messengership as the spiritual leader of Church Universal and Triumphant. She did not want to leave us or her church, but due to her worsening mental health she had no choice. That was in 1999 and for several years a very dark time for the fighting and bickering that occurred from members within the organization, as well as those without who had left. With everyone seeming to be taking sides on one side of the fence or the other. Some were defending Elizabeth and the church, and on the other side was an all-out attack on her character and nurturing ability, the church and everything that the Teachings stood for.

Then within the ranks more bickering continued for years to come, as many vied for positions of power in the organization. And again, everyone was polarized into taking sides.

Why am I speaking out now?
I have some insight into the character and nurturing of Elizabeth, both from the perspective of a student of the Ascended Masters’ teachings for 25 years, a staff member and as a spiritual messenger following her retirement, although in many ways in a much different role and experience than what Elizabeth endured in her almost four decades as a messenger and servant for the Ascended Masters. But I am mainly speaking out, as a messenger of peace, to bring peace to those who might be disturbed by this book and its purpose. I hope to bring a measure of peace by bringing some clarity and truth from the perspective of one who was a part of this organization for many years and on many levels.

I have not read this book and most likely will never read it. I choose not to read it because I am a chela of the Great Divine Director and Master More (El Morya), and they teach that gossip* is one of the deadliest products of anti-peace. The reason being is that it is ever so subtle in its form of destruction. Criticism you can openly see for what it is. But if that criticism is veiled behind gossip, the destruction goes out to subtly undermine your underpinnings in your foundation of a healthy relationship with another. Especially when that other someone cannot bring forth their perspective on the truth of the matter, or will not because they will not engage in the energy of defensiveness.

The author might not have meant her story to be gossip, because this is not just idle talk about her past experiences with her mother. But in many cases what she is sharing from her announcement letter on the book and from the comments of those who have read it are personal observations of behind the scenes actions she witnessed with her mother—through her eyes and the filter of her consciousness. But did she really know what reason and motivation was behind her mother's actions? I do not believe many did or would know, from the many stories and gossip that has been shared by the disgruntled members who left the organization.

So who was this book written for? And what was its purpose?
I definitely feel that in my observation, intuition and understanding, that the author's motives were more to support her actions and justification in withdrawing from the church and her messenger training, as well as consciously or subconsciously elevating herself as the victim and thereby lowering her mother as the perpetrator.

If we truly want to be loving individuals, and be the Christ, we would follow in the footsteps of the Christ Jesus. And would the Christ be behind further derision of someone who gave their life to helping people, however imperfectly?

Yes, there are many supporters of this book, people who look to that book to justify why they were disgruntled with the church and Elizabeth, as well as why they might justify their anger at their treatment. And there are many people who still blame Elizabeth for the choices and possible mistakes they made during the shelter cycle, their staff years or their experiences as members of the church.

So this book is again, as we saw in the late 90’s after Elizabeth’s retirement, polarizing people into opposing camps—those that are in complete support of the book and further denigrating Elizabeth; or are in complete denial of the information expounded upon in the book, in an imbalanced and maybe blind support of everything that happened in the church and through the messenger. The loyal and oftentimes fanatical supporters of Church Universal and Triumphant are making allegations that the stories in this book are somehow false, and that the author has no right to express her views of what she believes happened during some very trying periods in her life and the life of Church Universal and Triumphant.

On the other hand there are those adamant believers that Church Universal and Triumphant was a dangerous cult and that Elizabeth was a fanatical leader who only sought to get things her way. Many from that camp do not believe in the Ascended Masters, or if they do, they have a hard time reconciling their belief with the Path of the Ascended Masters and what a chela of a Master might be expected to experience. And that includes three of Mark and Elizabeth’s children. One of which once was quoted as saying that the masters are not “objective realities” and implied in a personal response to us, when we questioned her on this, that what she meant was that the messages were influenced through the consciousness of the messenger.

So we never got a clear answer on whether she did or did not believe her mother was a clear channel and messenger for the Brotherhood, or that she even believed in the ascended masters. However, her brother boldly states his objections to his parents and their belief in the Ascended Masters on his website, the Black Sun Journal, where he also openly states, "I am an atheist." And he forthrightly stands out and states that all that the organization and messenger stood for was unreal.

To some people, commenting with praise for this book, they express they are making closure from the wrongs they experienced during the shelter cycle and other experiences. But why are they just now seeking closure from reading this book? The shelter cycle was almost 20 years ago! Does Elizabeth or the church still hold power over them because they will not take responsibility for their actions?

To our understanding, Elizabeth did not know with any great detail why she was directed to build those bomb shelters. And I believe from what she later said that she had no facts that a direct attack against the Americans was imminent. But yet she knew that Saint Germain needed those shelters built to forgo further nuclear escalations. And so we followed Saint Germain’s motto to “Be prepared.“ And in that preparation we may have truly put forth the physical preparations and sacrifice that was the atonement and energy needed by the masters to possibly prevent a Third World War. It was years after the building of the shelters in the early 90’s that Elizabeth announced to us that she finally understood why we had to build those shelters as it came to light that India and Pakistan were very close to a nuclear confrontation.

Elizabeth had asked everyone in Glastonbury to have a shelter they belonged to or leave and go to Texas, where she believed it would be a safer place. She did not say it had to be any type of particular shelter, what it should cost or how long people should plan on staying in it. Yet Kim and I witnessed that many people sold everything and invested that money into a two to up to seven years shelter living! They bought guns, gold, 7-year food storage, generators, etc. And many who did not have the money charged their credit cards and could later not pay them. And when nothing happened, they were angry. They wanted to blame someone, anyone but themselves for the choices they made.

I Have Need of a Feminine Messenger
Elizabeth began her mission with Morya when he manifested to her while she was a young woman. On the day that Geraldine Innocente, messenger of the Bridge to Freedom, passed away, in 1961, El Morya appeared to Elizabeth and asked her to go to be trained through Mark Prophet to be a messenger, saying: "I have need of a feminine messenger."

Morya had already begun his work with Mark Prophet in 1958, sponsoring Mark for the establishment of the Summit Lighthouse. Mark then moved to Washington D.C. and set up his place of bringing forth the messages from the Masters. Elizabeth had gone to a meeting in Boston where she heard a dictation from Mark before her experience with El Morya. Within two years they both had divorced their respective spouses and married each other and moved to Fairfax, Virginia. They had 12 years together to build a foundation for Mother. And then Mark would move on to the ascended realm and allow Elizabeth to be the "Mother" here below—alone.

Why Church Universal and Triumphant?
Did the church have a purpose? In 1974, a year after Mark's passing, a dictation was given initiating the founding of Church Universal and Triumphant. It was to be the place of the devotees of Mother, the Cosmic Virgin and the Lord Christ. This true church would be built upon the cosmic cube in the heart, not on any outer building or organization. As long as this church brought forth truth and there were souls who embodied that truth, this Church would be built from its members, stone by stone. The Master said this Church would be a City Foursquare and community of the Holy Spirit. It would be a mystical Christianity to which humanity must return - Christ I-AM - (un)ity.

For a time, it was an outer church, where to be a member you were initiated as a communicant in the church. The standards of a communicant were stringent, and at one time there was a list of a hundred or so "forbiddens" or tenets that a communicant must adhere to. For example: no marital affairs, homosexuality, smoking, alcohol consumption, or psychic activities. And you needed to pledge 10% of your income to the church.

But did the church have a greater objective than what we thought? What many do not know is that Master More, in speaking to present and past students of the Ascended Masters, said through me in a dictation in 2003, that almost 90% of the Summit Lighthouse students were comprised of fallen angels. Not many students of the Summit Lighthouse would have read those words. And if they did, they immediately scoffed at them and me as a false messenger with false teachings. How many of these Summit students actually became communicants of Church Universal and Triumphant? And it was the church and its acronym (CUT) that would bare the blunt of being mocked and belittled time and time again by many who were a part of this organization at one time, but by just as many outside the organization that feared and hated every part of it—especially the messenger.

But what is not also realized, was that the structure of the organization was created and orchestrated by the Masters to bring about a large body of recalcitrant souls who needed to come to the feet of Master More and choose to bend the knee. For some it was their last opportunity, for their misuse of power over and again in other ages and lives needed to be met by the master of God Power and the Will of God, beloved El Morya. And Mark and Elizabeth’s children were not exempt from this percentage. One daughter, as I earlier mentioned, was said to be the incarnation of John F. Kennedy. Another, Helena Roerich and another Mahatma Gandhi. And their son, he was supposed to be an embodied Buddha! And today he is an atheist. This is what we were told at different times and to different groups over the years.

From my personal experience I know that I have been told I was this master or that master. I finally understood one day, that in this way I would consciously focus my attention on being one with that Master. And in the process I would be drawing to me that quality of the Master, rather than focusing on some human idol or historic figure with their imperfections.

It was not uncommon in the Summit Lighthouse to find that a staff member was this or that past historical figure. Or that the messengers were this or that prominent figure in history. But with our present understanding of oneness in Being, it also would not be that unusual to have a master send a portion of himself back down into embodiment during certain key times in the history of mankind. And it would not be unusual to have more than one portion of that master to be in embodiment at the same time. And how many times a Cosmic Being might send down a portion of themselves to help raise up the consciousness on planet earth is a thought to consider. Is it one or two times? Or is it a dozen or is that too many places to be at once? How about 50 selves?

It is good to open the mind and put away childish things. And when we get caught in rigidity, that certain concepts cannot be transcended because that is the way it always was or understood, we limit God in us.

Mantle of Guru
It was in 1977, a few years after Mark’s passing, that Elizabeth was officially given the mantle of Guru by Padma Sambhava, who is a great Guru himself and one who comes with a great adoration of the Mother. He explained the role of Mother and how the Gurus ascended and unascended converge at a point of Light that is between the Father and the Mother, that light being the white light of the Mother. To place yourself in a relationship with Mother, from the Mother representative in embodiment, on up to the Mother in the earth, up to the Mother in the white fire core of the sun and then on to the Mother in the white fire core of the Great Central Sun, that your path will be enhanced to develop the four sides of Mother in your own Being.

He explained that much more light can be transferred when the mantle of Guru is placed on a physical representative. And to be around that Guru and acclaim that one in the name of the Guru, then they might receive the Guru’s reward, in this case, the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

But the other side of this coin is the process that one may go through in this Guru-chela relationship. He said not to wonder at how the Mother deals with her children and with the chelas of the Ascended Masters. Because we cannot know the untrammeled karma of another or what is needed to bring that soul back into alignment with Being. Even the embodied Mother might not know in her outer consciousness. But Elizabeth as Guru, being one with the greater Cosmic Mothers, will know what to do. And it might not always appear to be the most kind and loving act towards another.

He asked us, “what does this mean to you who are children in the way?” His answer was, it means that you have a more than ordinary opportunity to pursue the disciplines of the Trinity through the direct confrontation of the Mother Flame incarnate.

Note the word he used, “confrontation,” because it may mean the coming together of opposing ideas and forces. But it also may mean, as in psychological healing groups, a technique where one is forced to recognize one’s shortcomings and their possible consequences. In closing he said, by your faith in the Guru you are made whole and the Guru can be to you only as is your faith. And so the Guru is a giant mirror of self.

So if you come to that relationship expecting to see your Great God Self, that expectation will be fulfilled and you will see this Self in the return—through the Mother. So it stands to follow that if you see the Mother as your enemy, or unloving, or stern, or controlling, you are really seeing that aspect reflected from within yourself. And what would happen if the many fallen angels that were surrounding Elizabeth, as her chelas and staff, had hatred of the Mother?

1997 Master More removes thread of Contact
It was twenty years later, and much water under the bridge, that I felt Master More was not working with me in my healing practice as much as he had been before. In fact, he seemed to be rarely actively present. I began to have grave concerns that I had offended him or somehow broken some code of conduct. And then one day we received a letter from the messenger. El Morya (Master More) was moving higher and so was the messenger. He was no longer taking on the karma of his chelas and the only way to remain in his protection and sponsorship was to adhere to his original code of conduct, to choose devotion to the God Presence and give service to mankind.

The picture began to become clearer. Master More was no longer there for all my clients, which in the past I had felt he was. I looked back at my recent clients and saw who he was still sponsoring and who he was not. And I can tell you, they were few and far between. It was shortly before this announcement that he came to me and asked Kim and I to move to Utah. Kim was disbelieving and I was concerned at leaving my healing practice. But we both eventually reconciled to the idea and 6 months later we were living in Utah.

I asked El Morya, "Why? Why did we need to move?" His answer was ambiguous and a veiled answer of the truth, but he said something like you would be better protected there. I thought from what? We were not to know of what would soon unfold with Elizabeth's health and the entire community in disarray as members flung accusations at each other.

For many years this community behavior continued. And Eventually Kim and I felt we could not even participate in the broadcast service from Utah, because of the vibration of the students who participated.

The Path
My experience on the Path is that it is rigorous, challenging and worth every hurt knee from tripping over those rocks and stones put there on your path by your past actions. Without those stumbles you might never see those stones and choose to pick them up and throw them into the mountain of the violet flame. But a chela who is on the path, or associates with a messenger to become exalted and special, will find that if a chela will not look at those stones and rocks on the path, the guru will point them out. And herein lies the trouble in the camp of the disgruntled ex-church members.

In my many years of experience in the church and following my separation from it, I have read the stories and seen all kinds of disgruntled ex-staff and church members. Many of them had a direct hatred of the light, of the Mother and the Guru-chela relationship. And they either did not understand that Guru-chela relationship, although the messenger explained what it meant many times, or they willfully chose to circumvent it to be a part of the organization for their own personal gain.

Guru Master More
As Master More (El Morya) sponsored the Summit Lighthouse and Mark Prophet, after Mark’s passing in 1973, Elizabeth rose up to the position of full leadership of the Summit and Master More was still very much at the helm. He was then and still is a very powerful Guru. And I have worked closely with Master More since he personally spoke to me in 1989, the year I moved to Montana. It was only a few words, but he knew I was in great distress trying to move to the land set aside for us in Paradise Valley called Glastonbury. He only said to me “Be patient,“ and I was able to let the whole project go. Within weeks I met my present husband and we shortly were approached by someone who wanted to sell their property in Glastonbury.

In the years prior to that personal contact with him, I was very devoted to him and his flame. I loved the Will of God and I knew I loved El Morya, although I was on the other hand a little afraid of him and his power. Mainly because I was ashamed of what lay hidden in my past—where I had believed somehow I had let the Master down and I was not worthy to live up to the standards of a chela of this Master. But under his personal tutelage for many years, I got to see all of these hidden things in my being. And I was very willing to have him help me and push me to the brink of despair for my failings. Only to have him later reveal his great love for me, helping me to realize that in that love he had taken steps to expose those deep dark corners in my being that I was afraid to look at or felt incapable of overcoming.

I look back at those years of Master More’s tutelage with great fondness. He was my spiritual Father. He never let me get away with anything, always there to expose to me my failings. So many saw him as the disciplinarian, harshly exposing to his chelas and many staff members their mistakes. And then using Elizabeth to be that one to expose that failing to that student. But he really was so loving.

One night, after I pulled a muscle in my back sneezing, I could literally not move an inch without extreme pain. I had to sleep sitting up with pillows tucked all around me for support. He only had to say to me “I will hold you while you sleep,” to have every wound and belief that I was unlovable to just melt away in his arms. I could not feel him physically, but inwardly I knew he was with me helping me through that terrible night.

After many years he slowly faded to the background and other masters came forward to tutor me on their God flames, sometimes for months or years. For a short time it was mighty Victory. Then it was the Elohim. Then it was the Maha Chohan. Then it was Zarathustra, where he prepared me for the big test to come, the announcement that I was the Great Divine Director’s twin flame.

The ascended master students all knew that the Great Divine Director’s twin flame was unascended, but she was not supposed to be living in America. And, I was not her. But yet I had a personal experience with an ascended master who was my twin flame. It was in the mid 80’s when I was given the tangible experience and light to know that my twin flame was an ascended master. It was almost a decade later that it became revealed to me who that twin was. But I could not accept it. And then one day I heard, “If you do not accept that the Great Divine Director is your twin flame, he will go away as you request.” Contemplating that, I could not bear that I could make the fatal mistake of turning away an ascended master because of my ignorance. So I decided to accept what I was being told and put my doubts and disbelief on the shelf. If I had not been able to do that, I would not be here today doing the work that I am doing.

My Spiritual Assignment
What followed was that the Great Divine Director came to me and asked me to take up an assignment that would be difficult and that might bring me pain. I was to go before the Karmic Board and give them my answer. I accepted and what followed was I was shortly told that I would take up being a messenger for the Brotherhood. I would also experience some painful criticism of my announcement, both for the audacity to say I was the Great Divine Director’s twin flame, and for the presumptuousness in thinking and saying that I could be a messenger for the Masters. But I prevailed and endured for several years, gladly accepting my original assignment with joy and gratitude that I could be of any service to the Brotherhood.

Several years went by before any of us fully understood the new teachings that started to come through Kim and I. We learned a new way of Being, a new way of understanding Self and our relationship to that Self as well as all Masters in Being. We learned that twin flames, as we were taught in prior teachings, was just half the reality of what a twin flame is and means. Suddenly, being the Great Divine Director’s twin flame had a whole new meaning directly related to the new understanding of God Flames. I was a twin, through my God flame of Divine Direction, to the Great Divine Director! But I was not the only one.

In the process of those trying years, people came and went in their association with us. The Masters, who gave 60 dictations through me six months after they announced to me that I was to be a messenger for them, having me take sometimes four or five dictations a day almost every day for a month suddenly left me and started giving dictations through Kim. That only fueled the fire of contenders of my messengership. Not only were the teachings through me groundbreaking and very challenging to long-time students of the Masters, I was inept and totally inexperienced in any leadership role. I was also poorly educated in my own native English language, making errors all the time in my word usage.

It reminded me of the early days in the Summit Lighthouse where Mark and Elizabeth said some students left the organization because they found an error in the Wisdom teachings they mailed to the students. Their logic was that if this was truly an Ascended Master activity, the messengers and their work would therefore be perfect.

And so what came through me was sometimes said in blissful ignorance of the ramifications of what effects it would have upon so-called chelas of the Ascended Masters. And I was too obedient. I would do whatever I was directed to do. After years of being the doormat of people’s condemnation towards me for what they believed was false teachings or irresponsible reporting and observations through me, I realized that I was failing my tests. I eventually put my foot down and told the masters I was completely fed up in being the brunt of people’s negative energy. And I had begun to realize that not all of what I told another, that I was told to tell them, was true. In other words, I was being used to expose another’s false beliefs about messengers of the Great White Brotherhood.

Some believed messengers were Gods and were perfect in every way and that everything they said was the absolute truth. Some believed that messengers were beneath them and that they were better qualified to write, teach and give dictations. Some believed that there was no need for a messenger because we were all messengers. Some believed that they were already messengers for the Brotherhood and had been long before Kim and I. Some believed that they were replacing me, telling me that they had been told I was no longer a messenger - they now were.

Some believed that there was only one messenger, Guru Ma, even though there had been many messengers before her. And some who believed in the present messenger, although she was a retired messenger, were adamant that there would never be another messenger again! She was the last as everything that ever needed to be brought forth was already here. We had nothing knew to learn!

Some believed that messengers could be bought for a price. And if that messenger would not cooperate, well then, they would just withdraw their support and thereby the messenger would fold because they could not exist without that financial support. These followers were in essence trying to buy their way to heaven and manipulating their way through the ranks. Some believed messengers should be controlled and only allowed to conform to certain rules and unspoken regulations that only they were privy to.

All that I experienced through some of the people who came to be by our side and said they wanted to help us. I, ignorantly believing that every prompting and word spoken to me from the realm of the ascended masters was the literal truth, would do everything directed to me. If I heard that I needed to tell this person something, I would do it. What took me years, and many painful ramifications to learn, just as I had been taught by El Morya many years before where he led me to believe certain things about myself or chelaship, all that was coming about again, but in a much different manner this time. Whatever needed to be done to expose the lie in oneself will be done through the great love of a Guru in the Guru-chela relationship. We can begin to see some of the harder aspects of this relationship by studying the lives of the saints in their stories.

Milarepa, a Tibetan saint, was asked to partially or completely tear down the four houses he was asked to build for his Guru. He was ready to commit suicide he was in such despair. Even showing his guru his bruised and sore body did not evoke compassion from his guru, but a stern remark. The purpose was to purge Milarepa’s soul of his sins where he had been using black magic, before he realized the wickedness of his ways and turned to the light. In the Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda speaks of some of his hardships he went through with his guru.

Why did Master More Aggrieve me?
The reason I was brought to tears many times during the years Master More was my direct Guru, was because I was unwilling or unable to see what was clearly in front of my eyes. I could not see my own failings. Two come to mind that he helped me see. One was my shame over making mistakes and the guilt I allowed others to make me feel. The other was the self-condemnation I would do to myself for my lack or my mistakes. Somehow I felt like if I erred I was unlovable. And therefore I needed to be perfect to be loved. If anyone pointed out an error I had made it was extremely uncomfortable and caused a whole chain reaction of self-defeating actions that only compounded the problem.

This is not such an uncommon problem with the children of the Light. I can think of several religions that teach that you are a sinner and you will always be a sinner and therefore you are unworthy to sit at the feet of the Lord Christ or their spiritual savior. All lies. You are not a sinner. You may have sinned or erred in the past but that does not mean you are doomed to be a sinner for the rest of your existence. And God does not love us conditionally, but unconditionally. I had no idea what that meant.

One major action Master More brought me to my knees on was my self-condemnation. After I learned that I was able to hear the masters, I basically gave them carte blanche to come to me and expose anything they saw. But they don’t work that way. They don’t tell you to do this or that, or that you have this problem or that. Oh no, what they do is allow you to experience your ego in a greater magnitude, so much so that you tire of your fallacies and beg for the complete and total surrender of it! How powerful of a technique is that? Would you ever go back to some ignorant way if you had experienced that ignorance to its fullest?

So my Christ self and Master More joined forces and worked me into a corner. What unfolded took about a month before I recognized the conspiracy to expose my ego. So sometimes, if necessary, rather than point you in the right direction, they will point you on the same path you are going, if you refuse to see that this is the wrong path. But they must do it in such a way that your soul will see the fallacy of your behavior before your ego can tear you away from the Guru. A very delicate process for the Guru to lead you through.

I remember specifically the guilt. It is really laughable today, but back then I was in agony. Everywhere I went and everything I did, there was my Christ self on the right and Master More on the left, telling me that I should do this instead. So if I picked up a package of meat in the store, I was gently reminded that this was the wrong choice. If I chose to go out and garden, I was gently reminded that I had more important things to do like decrees. If I took any leisure time I was gently reminded that my time would be better spent helping someone. It seemed that whatever I did, I was always making the wrong choice!

Week after week went by, as my world became more tight and restricted, but I did not share too much of what I was experiencing with others, except to a close friend and a little bit to my husband. I was ashamed of it first of all. Second, I was getting totally confused. I thought I had pretty good judgment on how I went about my day. I hadn’t realized vegetable gardening was a waste of time or that horseback riding was selfish. I hadn’t realized that I made so many wrong choices in what I ate or what I wore.

I was beginning to really get down on myself and I was feeling guilty all the time. At the same time I was trying to surrender to what I believed was the Higher Will that superseded my will here below. Surely a master and my Christ self knew better what I should be doing or not doing. But I was getting more unhappier with life and the Path every day. I began to believe that there was no joy on the Path and my life was needing to be an even greater sacrifice and unselfish giving to everyone and everything but myself. And that the Path was one of self-denial and sacrifice and I was not being unselfish and giving enough.

Being
To some extent those are the qualities that need to be encouraged on the Path, but never because you have to do them. Doing anything because you have to is the antithesis of Being. Being is where you do whatever you want because you love to do something, and in the process you become More. You can choose to be a heel and a dirt bag, or you can Be your Self, which is a unique loving spirit of God. Every day and in every way you are choosing to Be or not to Be. But more often than not we are caught into anti-Being behavior that is self-defeating and hurtful to ourselves and others. When we choose to enter the Path and the Teachings of the Ascended Masters, we are choosing to be helped to see that which we cannot see. Even if we willfully ask for help, many times we rebel against that help at the time we are caught in the ego, which rears its head whenever we are challenged in that which we cannot see.

So every day I was being pulled from being my true self, a peaceful person who knew the way to go, and away from oneness with my Higher Being by my ego or by the Master and my Christ self, helping to expose this ego unreality that was pulling me from Being. The Guru was moving me along further away from Being, as the one true means to get me to see what I could not. And it worked. I remember giving up. I told my husband I was selling my horses as I had no need for them anymore. I reached for the phone to place an advertisement in the newspaper and there was Master More. He simply said, “You don’t have to do that.” And then I knew. Instantly I knew what he had done and why. Now, if I could only put that realization into a putting off all of this pseudo-self that I had created once and for all! And seeing is the first step to that healing. But I still had one more layer of that self-condemnation and broken record I allowed to run.

One day I volunteered to take my horse to the May Fair in Glastonbury and give free rides to the children. For hours I put one child after another on the back of my horse and walked them up and down the field. Slowly, the notorious winds of Glastonbury and Paradise Valley started picking up and my horse started to get nervous. She was almost totally blind in one eye and was a little edgy when things started moving too fast for her on the side she couldn’t see from very well. I had just put a little 2-year-old on the back of her when she suddenly spun around quickly and flung the little child off her back. What followed shocked me and set me in the broken record of self-condemnation and guilt.

The child’s father started yelling at me and abrading me for putting his child in danger and how dare I do so. I apologized and quickly told all the eager children with their expectations of a ride, that I had to take the horse home for the day. I got on her back and rode her home. But before I got home Master More asked me, “what was I feeling guilty about?”

I had to look myself squarely in the eye and question myself. I saw that I was feeling guilty because I almost caused a serious injury of an innocent child. But then when I thought about it some more I realized that no one made that father put his child on the horse. He knew the dangers as well as myself, that horses are unpredictable animals. He most likely lashed out at me because his ego would not allow him to berate himself or take responsibility for his actions, as my ego so quickly did to me. His ego fallacy was to not take responsibility for his actions and mine was taking too much responsibility where responsibility was not due.

And so I saw guilt and shame as another aspect of this self-condemnation and I chose to let that all go. And slowly I began to change my habits from self-defeating acts to loving and forgiving myself for mistakes that I made. I replaced the need to be perfect in anyone’s eyes to being loved by God and the Cosmic Beings because I was Divine, however imperfect that self in human form was. And as I learned to love and forgive myself I found it so much easier to love and forgive everyone else.

Although I saw the masters as perfect Beings able to lead and guide and help, I knew that I, or anyone else, would not necessarily be perfect in our ability to understand their guidance. And that sometimes, in their great love for us, they will lead us further down the primrose path,** and narrow the sides in the process, so that eventually we will choose to turn and leave that path by our own inner wisdom and choice. In this way, we are empowered and we can go forth greater Beings with more God Mastery and able to help many other people caught in the same traps as we had been.

Issues with Mother
I came to the Ascended Master Teachings with issues about my own mother. I had experienced what I felt was a cold, controlling mother. During my attendance at Summit University I got to see “Mother” as we affectionately called Elizabeth, as a warm, giving, nurturing mother flame. But at the same time, I saw her as very stern, cold and domineering. The two seemed incongruent. And then one day I figured it out. I felt that the true Elizabeth we rarely saw. The reason being that she was rarely just her “self”, but more she was always one with some master, and more than not, Master More, as the sponsor of the Summit Lighthouse.

And it was not that Master More overshadowed her and thereby he brought the equation of being stern, cold and controlling. But that she reflected back to many of us that to-the-point, disciplinarian energy that we often drove ourselves to as chelas of the master of the Blue flame of the Will of God. And that we saw “Father” or the Blue Ray of the Will of God as stern, cold and unforgiving.

I began to see quite clearly how Mother brought to fore that which was in each one of us. I called her one day, at her request to join staff. I wanted to do so with all my being. But I had children and could not see any way to be with them and be on staff. But nevertheless, I was pushed by her staff to call and accept her offer. I did and felt all that guilt and shame that Master More later pointed out to me. The only thing she said to me was, “And what will you do with the children?” I quickly ended the conversation realizing the foolishness of calling her. I did not join staff until many years later. But I also felt very uncomfortable with that conversation for her stern, cold response to my call, albeit however true and direct her question.

Many years later I had the test of my life through her hand. She wrote me a letter that was in response to my letter to her. The whole matter was orchestrated by the Masters, and I fell for it, hook, line and sinker, and went right along to the end result, a very negative response from Elizabeth on my path. For a moment the floor beneath me fell away. And what literally followed was a broken foot as I tripped on some stone steps at my home. For weeks I found it easier to crawl around the floor to get from one place to another, rather than hop around on crutches. I was taken to my knees, literally.

Those were the last words ever exchanged between Elizabeth and myself, as she soon afterward retired because of her disease. It was not many weeks after her message that I began to piece my life back together and establish my identity outside of what the Guru said I was lacking. And I knew that whatever she told me on the outer was not what I was getting in the inner chambers of my Being. And yet I could not go against the Guru and disbelieve what she told me, as I honored her too much. So I decided to table the whole issue and not go near that table unless an earthquake hit!

But curiously, as I look back at that experience today, I never blamed her for anything. I never doubted her. I never accused her of being too sick to know what she was doing. I never saw her as anything less than being my Guru and teacher. And I knew without a doubt that she was a divine instrument to point out to me another one of my great flaws that Master More and the other great teachers were quite aware of was within me and had to be exposed before I ever could move another step to become a teacher myself. And that flaw that I had was doubt.

Blaming the Message or the Messenger
From as long ago as I could remember, I was strong and willful, overcoming fear after fear throughout my life. I knew what I wanted and I went after it. No one could tell me I couldn’t do something, for I would completely ignore them and go on and do that which was said I couldn’t do. And yet when I joined the Ascended Master activity, I put that strength aside, that sense of knowing what was right without anyone telling me. I suddenly decided that the Guru, the Masters, anyone with greater power than myself, knew what was best for me because they were wiser and more powerful.

And so they were. But I made the grave mistake of thinking that that is what they wanted from their chelas. I began to doubt my own instinct and inner knowing. They were always asking us to be more, to do more, to surrender more, to sacrifice more, to give more and on and on. This was not to just one person, but the whole community of students who would hear these dictations.

Most staff members felt like they were being pushed beyond their endurance. And yet they were asked to give even more. Those students not on staff often raising families and having family members not in the Teachings themselves had to juggle giving to their families and the ever present pull of the Masters asking for more sacrifice for the greater cause.

And the buttons were pushed on the major aspects of the human ego. If you had pride, well there were plenty of dictations to tell you that you were the one that needed to change the world. That you had the highest teachings on the planet. And if you had fear and doubt, well you would hear that this war was coming and you needed to build the ultimate bomb shelter or these teachings might be lost forever.

If you had hate or anger, you would hear how there was the enemy who must be sent to his second death. There was always something you could hear to stir up that something in you that drew you together with like-minded individuals. And there was always a crisis. From the moment I entered the Teachings there was always some enemy trying to destroy the church, the organization, the messenger, the good-will among the students or the faith. And if that crisis wasn’t enough, the pending third world war was enough to scare you into submission to build those bomb shelters. There was always something to fear that was being brought to our attention. And there was always more and more decrees needed for all these causes of darkness that needed to be overcome.

So a part of me got pulled into that consciousness as well. I insisted to Kim that we build a shelter on our property. He, on the other hand, did not believe it was necessary or would ever come about. But my motto was obedience, and in some areas I felt we needed to obey the Guru at all costs. Yet curiously, at other times, I felt what the Guru was asking was not really plausible and therefore I must rely on my inner knowing of what was right for me. I inconsistently obeyed, sometimes unequivocally, and therefore had to suffer the consequences in later years as I was tried and tested to follow only one dictate that of my God Self.

One of the Masters' mottos is “That which you place your attention on is what you manifest in your world.” Therefore, if you place your attention on destroying an enemy, you will draw to you an enemy. You will always be fighting an enemy. If you place your attention on something you fear, you will always have something to fear. If you place your attention on being ill, you will always be ill.

So why would the Masters create an environment that was filled with fear, crisis after crisis, enemies and fighting battles? Would they not be mirroring back to the collective consciousness of the students that which was already in their consciousness? Would they not give them a messenger that would give them exactly what they thought a messenger should give them?

Working on Staff
I worked in the church editorial department to me the heart of the organization where the Word was published and I felt the pressure of perfection. It was the perfect place for me to work to work out any leftover kinks in my issues with love, Mother, nurturing and perfectionism. I was never so relieved as to when they let me go from staff to go take care of my errant children. My children had just decided to act out in the most unusual ways and were getting into trouble within the community.

I was relieved because the book and rules of don'ts that they put upon staff members and editorial staff members was overwhelming. At all costs you were not to make any noise in Mother's or her daughter's trailer. God forbid if you upset her daughter, who seemed to have more don'ts than her mother! I was so afraid that I might step on someone's toes. And that was the year Mark and Elizabeth's son left the Teachings, abandoning his mother's direction and the organization. It was a shock to all inner members of the church.

The Prophet's middle daughter kept getting into trouble and going against the spiritual teachings. Gossip about what happened was flung left and right after Elizabeth's retirement, mostly berating Elizabeth for her treatment of her children as they had their teenage discretions that many youth are wont to do. One daughter, who was said to be the incarnation of John F. Kennedy, even joined forces with one of the most ardent local proponents of bringing down the church, Kathy Schmook,*** to co-author a book together on the cult of Church Universal and Triumphant and its mind-control techniques called, "Purely for Prophet," in an attempt to expose Elizabeth Prophet. Her daughter eventually backed out, possibly due to some pressures from her siblings and mother, and the book did not get published.

Eventually she reconciled with her mother, but she had long since left the church and Teachings behind. She also appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show in 1989, speaking out against the church. But since Kim and I had no television in those days, we were not privy to this controversial happening until many years later!

Gratitude
To live and work and study in the environment of Church Universal and Triumphant was a unique experience that afforded an opportunity for great insights and God mastery—if you allowed it. Many people blamed the messenger. They even accused her of making up the dictations. Those who saw her work behind the scenes were privy to her many secrets—her illness and seizures for one. I do believe Elizabeth did what she felt best for the organization, by not bringing her health to the attention of all. Had she done so, she might have felt that her students would not believe she truly was a messenger or that she was capable of delivering the Word. In other words, it would have been more fuel for the fodder of hatred against the Mother.

They also saw that she prepared many times in advance for the dictations, and much of what she studied was brought out later through the master in the dictation. And she corrected many words, or lack thereof, that would be missing in a dictation. Giving dictations myself and observing Kim, I realize the wisdom in this action. And I have often wondered myself why Kim will tell me something and later I hear the masters saying the same words in the dictations.

We need to realize the workings of our minds, one with the masters. The concepts that we internalize we can easily share with others. And I have witnessed Kim working on internalizing the world around him and the aspects of the economy, psychology, history and the path of Christhood and eventually bring forth that understanding in a dictation. In other words, he is not just a parrot repeating words he hears or is spoken through him. He is giving forth teachings from his higher Self, one with the Master, who has been working with him for weeks, if not months to internalize the teaching that will come forth at some later date in a dictation.

As Mark and Elizabeth had done, I feel that Kim and I have devoted our life to God, to the work of the Great White Brotherhood and to the victory of whatever service is needed that we can do in this age. Our goal is to bring in the Golden Age of Aquarius, to help raise the consciousness of Being and to educate people in the reality of God. What that reality is might be subjective, but that is all we can do, give our highest truth as we know it. In time, we all may see that we have progressed in that truth because we have been honest with ourselves.

There is no one absolute truth that any of us know. But we hopefully all strive for the highest understanding of the Absolute Truth and Reality of God. Whether one is a messenger for the Great White Brotherhood, a messenger for their Christ self or a follower of the Way, we all know that we have our place in God and a particular path and mission that is unique to us. We are all human, and therefore we all carry aspects of the human consciousness. Where we are at on the Path will depend on how detached we can become from the human consciousness and attached to the reality of Being I AM. But none of us are perfect or we would be ascended.

Elizabeth took on a tremendous mission in this life. Imagine that you were trying to run a large worldwide organization of many thousands of people and a staff of 500, and have the majority of those you needed to depend on having the fallen consciousness. Could you keep that organization running smoothly and be a Guru to those 500 souls, as well as the thousands who might be pulling at you and your staff for support and guidance? Imagine that you were in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and trying to keep a clear communication open with the ascended hosts?

Imagine that you had enemies within your organization, some of them your closest advisors, trying to plot your demise as their spiritual leader and usurp your position. Imagine that some of your closest staff took your personal relationship and disciplines and paraded them in front of the world as a means to criticize and condemn your behavior. Imagine that no matter the love and support, discipline and courage you showed to help another caught in their ego, maybe being caught for eons, they could not see it and gossiped and complained because you pointed out to them their errors that they would not see.

My praise and infinite gratitude go towards Elizabeth and to Mark, for their willingness to take up this tremendous task in this life. Kim and I did not agree with everything we heard Elizabeth say. We did not do everything she recommended or asked us to do. We did however, believe from our own internal conviction and spiritual experiences, that Elizabeth was truly the instrument of the Holy Spirit. I tangibly experienced the light that was beyond the ordinary. And I grew in leaps and bounds as I put into practice many of her recommendations, as well as recommendations from the Ascended Masters through the dictations Elizabeth gave. I feel therefore, that I am a testimony to her life and sacrifice. She may have made many mistakes in her leadership, as I have in my short years of leading, but I sincerely believe she loved more than not. I know how easy it is to receive direction from the Master and not know whether you are meant to literally follow that direction, or it is a test, where you are meant to think independently and know what is the right course of action.

Kim and I know, with an absolute certainty, that the Masters have not and will not order you to do anything. In fact, they rarely tell you anything outside your own being. In other words, you may discover things about your past, both failings and victories, but they do not extend that knowledge in any great detail to who and what others are and may be doing. And they do not tell you how to run your organization. They may implant suggestions and ideas which awaken within you. You then contemplate those ideas and take them to your Higher Self to confirm their reality. If you do not hear or receive within yourself what they are giving to you, they will keep trying to guide you in the right direction. It is often then that you feel their presence, again and again, and that you get the distinct impression that you need to do something. And as soon as you confirm in your mind that this is a good possibility and something that feels right, there they will be to back you up with various degrees of enthusiasm, depending on what guidance is being given.

Elizabeth gave a most profound teaching in 1993. She went out on the platform and gave her lecture on "Nine Cats, Nine Lives" a reflection on her worst past lives. She was in tears at times, as she told the stories, some of which where she had killed others. The one that stands out is the life where she was a leader - coincidentally, she was a leader lifetime after lifetime - where she was very strict with her followers. If they stepped out of line, she would have them thrown into a volcano!

I do believe she tried to overcome these tendencies of being a strong leader, often very authoritative and harsh when the outer rules were circumvented by some. I also see that with the understanding from Master More, that her ability at dealing with recalcitrant souls and the consciousness of fallen angels was sufficient to the task. Could she help these souls? Could she do so and not resort to the old ways of leadership? Did she play a role, as we all have done in our many lives, taking on certain states of consciousness to teach us as well as help transcend those states of consciousness?

There are many questions that may never be answered while we are yet in embodiment. But as we take in the stories, the tales, the negative barbs or the praise, we must always choose to go within and get the truth. That is learning God discernment. I pray that you will be victorious in your search for truth and your peace in what you find.


 

*gossip: idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others.

**Beloved Saint Germain, as Shakespeare, in his infinite wisdom, coined the term “primrose path” in his play, Hamlet. Never one to use an old cliché when he could coin a new one, he first used the term to refer to a pleasant path to self-destruction.

***Kathy Schmook was part of a group who attempted to get the Yellowstone Park to take over C.U.T. under a domain clause. She was a member of the Upper Yellowstone Defense Fund who openly opposed the church and especially Elizabeth.

 

 

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On This Page

Why am I speaking out now?
So who was this book written for? And what was its purpose?
I Have Need of a Feminine Messenger
Why Church Universal and Triumphant?
Mantle of Guru
1997 Master More removes thread of Contact
The Path
Guru Master More
My Spiritual Assignment
Why did Master More Aggrieve me?
Being
Issues with Mother
Blaming the Message or the Messenger
Working on Staff
Gratitude